Deep in my blackheart...

Indeedily doo

2007-03-03T21:01:00.000-08:00

Yes, Margie my love, I did indeed lie. It wasn't intentional, but I'm sorry. It would have been the last weekend of February though... But, alas, it was not to be. I'm the Maid of Honor for a friend (wedding is Apr 7) so, I need to come up sometime this month, but if for some reason I manage to get out of it, I will be in town for several days preceding April 7th. Which reminds me I should request those days off when I get back to Texas. OH, right, so I'm currently in Maryland visiting family. Today was my cousin's baby shower. Meh. If I have kids, ther will be NO large baby shower. Be greatful! ANywho, so it's late and I'm bored, but I don't feel the need to go to sleep just yet. OH! And if anyone talks to Bobbie, tell her to call me about Spring Break, I lost my phone and have NO numbers. Ummmm.... Yeah. Not much going on... Just working, and sleeping and spending quite a bit of time checking my e-mail just in case. Mostly just waitng and wasting time. Right, so its 1:20am and I have to be up early for a brunch with the family and prolly quite a few people I don't know... so I'm off to have one last smoke, then to write my boy for a while, then BED. A bed that I can't sleep in, cause its not mine, and its right next to my 17 year old cousin's bed, which seems a little odd to me, but it keeps me from sleeping next to my mom, which seems even more odd. Hmmm, is it odder or more odd? Neither one sounds right at the moment. Oh well, fuck it, I'm off... I love you guys more than a fat kid loves cake! OHHH, JOSHIE!!!! Will you call me at the house sometime after Monday please?!?!?!?! I don't have your number either!! LOVE YOU!!!!

Errrr, news.....

2007-01-24T19:31:00.000-08:00

Sooooooo.... I have news about Cainnum. I assume everyone has wondered why there has been no blogs from him in the last few days... It's because he's in the hospital. He's got a bunch ofstuff going on right now and it was a little more than he could handle. If you want more details, you have to talk to him about it. You can reach him at 512-324-2000, ask for Patient Cainnum Hopkins ID# 7919 and if they ask he's on the third floor. He's doing so-so, but better than the other night. However, he's really lonely and could use all the moral support he can get! So, yeah, that's all for now. I've got other stuff that I'll be blogging about in the near future, but that's to come later. ANywho, I hope everyone else is doing fine. I heart you guys and I'll talk to you soon. Oh and PS I'll be in Denton in February if anyone is interested in hanging out!!!

And tag I'm not it!

2006-12-29T13:42:00.000-08:00

Sooooo.... Cainnum was a doll and tagged me, the jerk. Which I suppose makes it my turn to write 5 fun facts about myself one of which is complete bullshit. Let's see how I do!

1. I had a pet that was something between a rat and a ferret when I was little. My dad got rid of it, 'cause it ate my mom's bird. I still don't think my mom's forgiven me for that one, because OF COURSE it was MY fault.

2. I used to own a hedgehog named Charlotte. No, I didn't name it anything ridiculous like Sonic, although Sega was HUUUGE at the time.

3. When I was young, my dad took me on a week long vacation across the eastern states to every cave imaginable. It was a spelunking adventure!

4. I used to work in a strip club and had a guy offer me $60 to show him my nipple rings! If that wasn't bad enough, I was wearing a black thong leotard with hose and HIGH heels (they had to be at least 3 inches).

5. Eric and I took a trip out to West Texas when we were younger and he insisted on driving. He convinced me that it was okay for me to take a nap, and I woke up to the car spinning across four lanes of traffic and two damn good sized medians. All that was wrong was we got a flat tire. Or at least thas all that was wrong with it until we got to VanHorn, where the car broke down.

Now tell me which one is not quite accurate, lmfao! Oooohhhhhhh, I almost forgot. I tag Margie-kins and Joshie Pie!

For she said lo and behold....

2006-12-04T16:18:00.000-08:00

*** Editor's note: please realize that none of the comments in the following diatribe are directed at anyone who might possibly be reading this...

I was going to rant and rave about the trials and tribulations of adulthood, but I'll save that one for another time. Instead I feel the need to bitch about people. That's new, huh? Hahahaha. Sorry, I'll try to keep this one coherent, for my two loyal readers!

Yeah... so, I had the best day I've had in a long time then came home miserable. That's right, miserable. And, I've mostly stayed that way since. Now, don't get your panties in a twist if you've spent a day with me recently. I've had lots of good days lately, but this is a different kind of happy. We're talking pure, unadulterated happiness in all it's glory. To love and be loved. Aside from large quantities of money what else do people really want? Not just, "But my mom loves me" or "My dog loves me" but the intangible need to realize "He or She (depending on your preference) really loves me!"

Now, personally, I can generally tell how people are reacting to me, and generally I can react appropriately. I say generally because there are several people that blow my entire sense of reasoning out of the fucking water. Now, for the most part I consider myself a fairly sane human being, not to say that I don't have my fair share of nuerotic quirks, but I am a stupid, stupid girl. Well, when I manage to remember that I am a girl. Argh... Now where was I? Uh, okay, so this should have been coherent, but I don't think it's going to end up being so at all. Sorry. I feel like talking, but I don't really have anything I actually want to say. That's not precisely true, just nothing I want to say to the world at large.

Fuck it!

I just don't understand boys, not that I understand girls, but there's more to the average guy than most people give them credit for. Granted, I've met many a male who were simple enough; eating, sleeping and fucking being the only things that really moved them. By the same token, I've seen girls whose motivations were that easy. Hahaha... sorry, it was funny to me. I have no idea where I'm going with this and I'm a little distrusting of my ability to pull it all together. All I know is that it does connect but I can't make it make sense, even to me. And I don't think that the things I want from the opposite sex are difficult or even that unreasonable. I suppose that my array of shallow judgements may detract from that statement, but still. Is it wrong to know what you want and to be able to realize the things you can deal with and those you can't? There are tons of things I can live with: quirks, neurotic tendencies, chub, drinking too much, eating too much, parents, etc. And not that many things I can't adjust to eventually, such as snoring. But as soon as I see a weakness, it's like a scab, I HAVE to pick at it and pick at it until it bleeds. Which most guys can't deal with. So, if I find myself preparing to do these things I back away. There are however, several people to which my carefully laid rules do not apply. **Please note that these people are not excluded by my doing, they just took it upon themselves to trample all over any sort of dictate that I could manage to throw at them.

These people confuse the shit out of me. One in particular, though... There are certain things I know, not by anything said or done, but things that only the eyes can say. I know I could walk away if I could find someone else that makes me feel the same way. He does stupid shit with me, just because he knows those things will make me happy. He's thoughtful and sweet at the most random times, generally when you least expect it. But he breaks my heart every time he looks at me. I finally find some semblance of happiness, small or faked though it may be, he comes along and destroys it. Making me remember what its like to actually be happy then leaving me empty and bitter same as before. But as I said earlier in the evening, I'm a stupid, stupid girl. He knows me almost as well as I know myself, possibly better. I can't make myself walk away from that.

The majority of men that I come into contact with either want to fuck me or want to be friends. I'm fine with this. I get this. I just don't think that its too much to ask for someone to want to know ME and possibly at some point want to fuck me. Or if they're in the friends category and they finally get over the fact that I'm not they're "type" after ten years, then they want to fuck me. Well too damn bad buddy, I'm not interested. I just want someone that makes me happy. Now, don't get me wrong I'm not completely selfish, I want the happiness to be reciprocated (exponentially... haha, sorry... I amuse myself when no one else is watching!). I just know what I want, and it appears that what I want is bad for me, unavailable, and/or too expensive. Sigh!

Anywho, its way beyond time for a smoke so I shall quit my bitching for the time being. If anyone has any answers as to how to make life easier, feel free to let me know (aside from suicide options, robbing banks and other major felonies, please). Duece!!! For now...

Almost noteworthy....

2006-11-29T20:36:00.000-08:00

So... it's past my bedtime, but I feel the need to tell everyone about my day. You're looking at (the words of) the new administrative assistant to the vice-president of operations. *ERRRRTTT... pause for a rant. I hate commercials. Especially the ones that make me feel guilty for being single. Dear God, I have a family to take care of that very special favor, thank you very much. Oh shit, I got distracted, then POW!!! Leprosy!!!!! Sorry, you probably should have been there. For the record, Sarah is fired from using the remote. Anyway, I got to work at 10:00am to wait for 30 minutes for my boss to come to work. He showed me how to do one thing then left me alone for several hours. I was locked out of the computer, and am waiting to receive my new log-in, so there was not even a remote option of playing solitaire. SO, I sat and I sat and I stared for a bit, then got a shit load of work to do right before I left, so I have a pile looming.... waiting for me tomorrow at 8am sharp. Ugh... Oh, and it's going to be cold tomorrow. Okay, I HAVE to quit procrastinating, er, well, I really should, no, no, I'm going, I'm going. Ahhh, innermonologue is now being typed! Right, well then. I'm off... and to all an interesting good-night!

We'll carry on...

2006-11-25T17:29:00.000-08:00

First of all, Power to the People! Right on! So, it's been a steady forever since I've written my little piece o' mind to the world at large (mostly in the form of our friend the internet... wooo....),but it couldn't last forever. Well, I suppose it could, but alas, I have access to the internet through the handy-dandy use of the computer in the living room. I have to admit there is much pleasure to be gained by sitting in my own home alone, with background noise of my choice, or catching up on the idiot box, or reading Heinline and smoking. Especially after 4 and a half hours in a car with my roommate. Not that I'm complaining.... Hmm, I should probably back up a step for a few of you. Err, my truck is in dire need of repair (dun dun duuuuuunnnnnn). Joe thinks its the head or head gasket... I'll find out soon enough. POO!!! Yep, that's where that rant will end...
Anywho, thanks to the Quinton clan+ for an awesome Thanksgiving! Best one I've had in a while! And Bobbie for being fuckin' awesome! Speaking of... Margie I accidentally stole your Cortisone... make Josh buy you more and Joshie, I'll pay you back the next time I come up! Uhhhh.... next, please.
**Important Note: I fucking HATE yellow jackets. They are now right above being dutch ovened and having someone milk the rat on my little finger. Why the list? Glad you asked... Normally, I have a fairly high pain tolerance, but certain things being done to me turns me into a little girl. Oh, right, I suppose you're still wondering what happened, here's the condensed version. I had a yellow jacket crawling on either my arm or my shirt and i put my arm down. Next thing I know, there's a serious pinch happening to the underside of my arm. Realizing neither Josh nor Joe were close enough to pinch me I lifted my arm. To what did my wondering eyes did appear, well it damn sure wasn't eight tiny reindeer. There was a yellow jacket in my arm, thats right his stinger had gotten caught in my arm, so I had to pluck him out (Josh actually tells this part better, but whatever.). Which led to me throwing him as far away as possible. FOr which I sat for quite a while pale faced hoping the PAIN would go away. It didn't just for the record. This was several days ago and my arm is still swollen and red, and much to my chagrin, itchy. So, long story short, I was a complete puss and I never want to be stung by any insects ever again. THE END!
Arrrgggghhhh. Yeah, so I have a ton of stuff I COULD rant about, but my motivation is waning rather quickly.
Dammit, I hate Heinline (please note, this is an entirely biased and completely untrue statement. Or if you prefer, I could go into something completely cliche like I love to hate him... Ugg, ok sorry.)!!!! He's completely destroyed my outlook on life, love and marriage, and decency.... the list goes on, but those are the first to come to mind. This could branch off into dozens of rants from here, but I don't actually feel like going there at the moment. Suffice it to say that my brain is on the rocks at the moment. Anywho, I am safely back in Austin for what could be an indeterminate period of time. Viva mi casa! Goodnight to all, and more to come shortly, I think, hehehehe!
Luv ya'll!

So, er, uh, yeah... No, really, that's all I've got.

2006-11-08T16:17:00.000-08:00

So after yelling at lots of people for not updating their blogs on a regular basis, i've finally been called out for the same! So, much to everyone's chagrin, a new blog from me, for me, by me! Or something to that extent. So, life is happening slowly, but all kinds of fast at the same time. I'm not entirely sure how that works, but I'm sure I'll figure out sooner or later, or not, ya know whatever!!! Anywho, so I guess I'll give a short update before I go off on a rant. Lost my job, got a new job, came to Denton to get my truck worked on, ( which failed miserably, as of yet, I might add) went to church with the family, saw Margie, spent two hours being as irreverent as possibly, tried to leave but alas, the truck is still not up to snuff. Oh goodness, I've forgotten the best part of the week, Josh, Joe, Bobbie and I went to Master Grill - Churrascaria... BEST MEAL EVER!!!! They have hot boys walking around with large skewers of MEAT... Meat as far as the eye could see, and roasted pineapple, which is my new favorite way to eat pineappple! And desserts to make your cavities weep with joy! It was perfect... too bad Margie didn't come (stupid Nutrition test). Continuing with, its NaNoWriMo...but I'm off to a rather slow start, but I don't really want to get into that just yet. Ummm, spent super amounts of time with JoshiePie and David... thats all I'm saying, but I'm going to have to quit coming down, because both of the are getting rather lax in their responsibilities due to my constant need for attention, er I mean entertainment! Or maybe its just because I'm irrestibly cute.. I mean really, who has a chance when I'm this damn adorable?? And humble! and of course, modest!!! Anywho, so I was going to rant about relligion to tie my blog rant with Margies and Daves most recent rants... but I've decided I've done that enough, I may hit on some points that've been bothering me recently but I'm not entirely sure. Generally, I can rant about love... or the lack thereof, or any number of similar problems, but at the moment, while I'm not content, I don't actually want to go into it, I'm decidedly comfortable with my lot at the moment. At least, I don't feel the need to extract a pound of flesh for the time being. Well, that and Josh's tarot cards (for entertainment purposes only) reassured me that there was no way that I was going to end up being a crazy old cat lady! I guess I could rant about being jobless, but honestly, I'm fairly comfortable being Josh's sugarmomma (minus the sex of course, hahaha) for the moment. Which actually kind of sucks, because I can't even bitch about money woes. Er, well, I suppose I could, but i'd just feel like a hypocrite and I'm not okay with that. I mean, I'm fine with being a hypocrite, just aso long as I have a cause to back it up. I'm starting to feel irrationally moody, which is probably a good sign that its getting close to time to go home... but I think I've got another day or two left in me, hehehe! My only real complaint is that I've been thinking a bit too much lately... and that never leads us to any high roads. Woohoo... I knew that if I procrastinated in deciding my rant topic long enough, Josh would eventually finish his homework and save me from actually ranting... YAY!!! okay, well now back to letting Joshie keep me entertained! Much, love and I'll be back soon to actually rant!

Chapter Two

2006-09-19T09:04:00.000-07:00

So, I had this all thought out, and wrapped up in beautiful paper, with a nice little bow on top. I hate it when I'm abruptly pissed off. Everything is fine, thoughts are flowing smoothly, then a precipitous halt, resulting in extreme amounts of anger. I hate that. I'm not particularly fond of emotions in general. There's a few I'm ok with, like happiness, well, ok, so sometimes, if I'm miserable enough, I don't enjoy that specific emotion in others, but thats a topic for another day. I'm a canner, I'm considering opening a cannery. I take each emotion, put it in its own little jar, stir in a dash of bitterness, add ignore (which is what makes it so sweet) and close lid tightly. Of course for some of the fruits we let them ferment a bit, but you have to be careful. It's a delicate process, so if it sits too long it goes rancid, which never bodes well for anyone, past, present or future consumers included. Then they go onto shelves, alphabetically of course. Everything from abuse to trysts. Some of my favorites are Tears (its a bit salty, so add something sweet to liven it up), Anguish (goes GREAT with crackers), and Pain (its a bit spicy, so make sure you have something to take out the burn afterwards). Not that I don't love them all, but some have that extra something that just works for me. I enjoy the power canning brings... you add the ingredients together and then file it away, then let it sit until the absolute perfect time! I'd consider myself an artiste, if you will. But even someone as nearly infallible and ominpresent/omnipotent as I make mistakes from time to time. Ocassionally, you read the client wrong and you give them a good dollop of something that just doesn't sit well with them, or something they don't deserve. I once gave someone Cold Shoulder, after misinterpreting their personal tastes, when he really would have enjoyed Warmth and Love. It's a balancing act, and noone gets it right all the time, but with patience and dedication you can get it right most of the time. My biggest piece of advice is NEVER give Harsh Words to anyone, unless its a going away present. Its the only one I don't have a guarantee on, and for good reason. Look for new flavors next season, I think I'm going to try to expand the Happiness and Joy Line of products, but I'll let you know. Ciao for now (hahaha, that rhymed.... shut up)!

Thursday's Child or Never Ending Blog

2006-09-19T06:23:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah, I realize it's Tuesday and I meant to do this yesterday... but well, frankly, I got distracted. So, I'm going to give a quick (and by quick I mean, extremely loooong-winded*)update on my vacation (WOO), so if you were part of the weekend, or just don't give a shit, please continue onto the next part which I plan to make at least semi-entertaining... Hmmm... okay, so I'll be nice and just give you the highlights. Rather, most of them, cause some of it is a bit personal, and I think we all know how I feel about everyopne knowing my business. So, I got into Denton Wednesday night. Blahdy blahdy blah -- fast forward to THURSDAY NIGHT!!!! My Bonus Dad, both of my brothers, and I went to see TOOL! I've been stoked, since I was told I had a ticket... minus the drama that was associated with such knowledge on a different front, but thats bottled and filed under O for Over. Anywho, back to TOOL. Now, I've seen APC, and it was AMAZING, but I have bad associations with seeing Maynard with APC. I managed to stow away my misgivings and go to the show anyway. Thankfully no one died, this time. All I've got to say on the show was that it was FUCKING PHENOMENAL! Maynard came out in a cowboy hat, boots, and a belt buckle the size of my head, jeans and a jacket that had ATF on the back. It was great, couple songs in and he took off the jacket, then disposed of the hat and walked around with no shirt and a short black mohawk. I think I'm in love, despite the fact that Maynard's a prick. What can I say? I'm a glutton for punishment. In closing, it was the highlight of my life! So, Friday night I hung out with a friend that I haven't seen since well before I moved down here. It was good to see her, but she made me go see Gridiron Gang. I'm willing to admit, it had some funny moments, but I'm not a feel good movie type of person. With the exception of The Princess Bride, which after all these years is still my favorite movie. Shut Up, I can make fun of myself for that one, thank you very much. Moving right along, because this could easily turn into one of those never ending blogs on just the one topic. As a side note, I'd like to mention, that I truly intended on spending more time with my mom. However, as it turns out, I'm indisputably easy to distract. So, I meant to go home Friday night, but it didn't work out that way. Then when I finally did manage to find my way home on Saturday, I spent the majority of the afternoon working on my new truck that still isn't in my possession, but it's so close I can taste it. No really, I think I still have a lingering taste of agent orange cleaning stuff and 20 year old dirt in my mouth... Anyway, I laid down at 5 for a little bit of a nap, fully intending on waking up and calling Joshie Pie to hang out. However. I slept longer than I meant, which is generally how it works unless I set an alarm. So, I missed out on dinner, fortunately I didn't waste away to nothing, but it was a close one. So, fast forward and hour or two... Josh came to get me making his Sister drive. Which leads into I got to meet Josh's sister Margie and her bf Lawrence. Which I assume everyone knows but me. I'm still not sure why its taken me so long to meet her, because I'm obviously the last person in the world to do so... even my MOM who doesn't get out much has met her and btw adores her. She should feel special, 'cause most days my mom doesn't even adore ME! Man, I'm inanely rambling today, my apologies. But, like I mentioned before, if you don't want to read it, skip to the next chapter. Which leads to hanging out with the aforementioned, Dave, and a couple, that my memory won't recover the names of and their daughter Izobel. I'm fairly sure the first two hours consisted of making fun of all religions imaginable. Then after it dwindled down to three... Dave and Josh tried to convince me to drink watery piss (i.e. miller genuine draft) that had been in their fridge longer than time exists, or 6 months, whichever you prefer. We decided to splurge and get real beer, which resulted in my not going home as intended once again. I'd like to point out however, that I didn't get shitfaced (please hold your applause) and Josh is proud of my shot-gunning ability (now feel free to let the applause take control!). Lots of Smash brothers... and I'd just like to point out that I beat them boths a few times, I'm rather proud of myself despite the fact that my handicap was indeed astronomical! Then Josh went to bed... so I twisted Dave's arm and he spent the rest of the night and good portion of the next day entertaining me. Fortunately for him, I'm easily entertained!!! Then when he got sick of me, he plugged in Firefly, which is an exasperating story in itself, which I am now addicted to. Fortunately I now have the whole series waiting for me at home! YAY! Then Josh let me borrow Heinlein from the grave, hahaha, which I refuse to geek out about again, because Cainnum informed me that I was a dork yesterday. Oh, and I bought Burnout Revenge last night... I'm a happy, happy girl! I may be a nerd, but I figure as long as I don't go back to role playing one night a week and/or playing online rpg's, I'm okay! I'm comfortable with my nerdhood. Anywho, the extended visit with the guys turned into a mad dash through the pouring rain, no pun intended, to get my stuff packed and race to Dallas to get me on the return bus! Home again home again, jiggity jig. SO, here I sit at work (with a surplus of time on my hands). Let me blather about the idiot I sat next to on the bus, for a brief moment, and I promise I'll be mostly through blathering for the day. This guy, nice guy, wanted to talk. I wanted to put on my head phones and finish my book. It was not to be. So, I know his entire life story, which under normal circumstances would be fine. However, he was one of the people who find it necessary to punctuate while speaking. THis REALLY irritates me. For the record, he's the only person I've ever met who uses back slashes in conversation. Every other word was comma, or backslash or exclamation point. I do declare, if he's have used question mark, I'd have hit him in the face. Other than that, he was fairly pleasan company and evtertained me for a bit with religious jokes, not to mention the dead baby jokes. ARGH, my boss just walked in and instead of saying hello, she bitched at me for having stuff on the counter behind my desk, and by stuff I mean the newspapers that have waited to be picked up on the counter since before I started. The woman is a complete cunt, just so everyone is clear on this issue. Fuck, well I was in a good mood. So, I'm going to take a break, but I'll post this, cause I don't want to go the great lengths over this shite, then come back and post again for Chapter Two that you reallly should have skipped ahead to!
*Editor's note

Happy Day Happy Dance!

2006-09-12T07:12:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I leave!!!!! I'm sooo stoked! I will be in Denton for 4 loverly days! And by the time its over, I'll be sooo ready to come home! I love my family... especially in small doses! I'm looking forward to just gettin away for a few days more than anything (well with the exception of the TOOL concert, but that's on a level not much can touch!). My mom's all pissed off that my step-dad got himself and all three of us kids tickets... I think she's just pissed cause he gets to be the favorite. That and he's been out of town since last Sat, then he gets back Thursday and is going straight to the show with us! TO drink and smoke and generally be a terrible role model! Its a beautiful thing! Then she wants to bitch about it to me, like I'm not more excited than the three of them put together! Oh well! There's always something... So, I have to wait another week for my truck (this makes me sad, but i'll survive) because the new bed for the truck isn't the same year as the truck model, they have to rig the brake lights to work with it... Oh well, I'll try to be patient for once in my life. Anywho, just wanted to let everyone know that I will be in Denton Wed night... send me e-mails with phone numbers if you want to see me, hehehe (rainebow03@yahoo.com). Talk to everyone soon! Have a great one!
--Raine

Today and my emotions

2006-09-06T14:31:00.000-07:00

So, this morning I started out despondent, and I had a very looong blog explaining, or rather not the reason for my despair. I say not, because it was mostly full of rhetorical questions without explanation, damning my own existence. Then it was suddenly time for lunch and seeing as how I hadn't finished typing my woes, I exited without posting. So, here I am again. Earlier, I was just dumbfounded... I learned that my 19 yr old cousin eloped with her 27 yr old marine boyfriend because she was pregnant. Now, my mother and I have a reason to gloat! I am no longer the black sheep of the family. Woohoo! Nor, for that matter, are my brothers, its official, my cousin had made the largest mistake in the circle of children. And, I've been to jail. You have no idea how randomly happy that makes me. Except now, I'm seriously pissed off at the roomie. I'm sure by the time I get in the vehicle to go home, I'll be fine, but until then I'm pissed off. I won't go into that seeing as how being pissed will surely be a fleeting emotion. However, I have to complain for just a moment, then I'll be ok... My back hurts, my stomach is sick of the pills that I popped not to long ago, to get rid of the headache that doesn't seem to give a shit about the fact that I would very much like it to go away. Okay, done bitching. Sarah pointed out to me the other day that, "The more you complain, the longer God lets you live". Which pisses me off, due to the fact, that at my rate, I'm going to live to be 180, and thats not in my personal plan. Okay, well, now I'm off to kill the last minutes of my day here at the office, so I can go home and self-medicate. Today was an awful day, not that I really have any room to complain, life is treating me fairly well, I'm just back to being despondent... which is a whole other blog that I just don't have the energy to write.

Well hell...

2006-08-04T06:53:00.000-07:00

Soooo, its official... I've done it. I told myself over and over that I wasn't going to do it, but here it is, I've done it. I always manage to fool myself into believing me when I tell myself I'm not going to do something, but I'm a liar. Well, to myself anyway, I've gotten good at brutal honesty with others. Dammit, now I've got Rollins screaming LIARRRR in my head... oh well, some Social D will change that real quick! Ahhh, the love of my work life is once again taunting me and pointing his ass in my general direction! Hmmm, I'm in the mood today for random ramblings, but I'm not sure I have the wit this morning to make this interesting, or entertaining in the slightest. Which bothers me, because generally even if I can't entertain others I can always entertain myself!!! Dammit, I'm irritated.... I was gonna say that its noone's fault, but I'd be lying again... And, so far I've been trying to keep this honest, hahahaha. FOr the whole 12 lines that I've written thus far, its working out for me nicely! So, I woke up to making out with someone in my dream this morning. Got up looked at the clock realized it said 6:01 (I set my alram 10 minutes ahead) turned off the alarm then laid back down. Took me about two seconds to bolt of the bed, it was either that or fall back asleep and not wake up 'til it was too late. Or reset the alarm for a more reasonable, time, but apparently I was too lazy for that. I dawdled and lolligagged 'til I was late leaving the house, and I was still early... YAY ME! I suppose that explains why I'm still not awake! I'm excited to see Joshie this weekend! I haven't seen him in YEAAAAARRRRRSSSSS! Argh, I hate women. The females I do like, aren't very girlie. Jeff keeps trying to convince me that I'm a lesbian, my mom keeps trying to talk me into going to the Singles Ward down here and finding a "nice little Mormon boy", and Cainnum asked me if driving a truck, didn't make me a lesbian. Apparently, I am a lesbian, just everyone knows it but me. I'm pretty convinced I'm into guys. I think I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Yeah, so for the record, this probably doesn't make sense to anyone, but me, but I'm not sorry, for this is the stream of thoughts convulsing in the brain waves today!